New Biden/Harris campaign song (satire)

At long last, we can rock into the future with Biden/Harris 2024

Antony Blinken with his “hit” single Lip Service. This is actually real.

After long deliberation, the Biden/Harris campaign has finally settled on “The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades” by Timbuk 3 for their new campaign song. This was a long awaited decision, liberals were on the edge of their seats everywhere awaiting the announcement.

A spokesperson said, “The future is going to be brighter once Biden and Harris finish the job. And Biden does like his shades. This song perfectly describes our campaign.”

As Trump supporters had already appropriated Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA,” the Biden campaign had to look elsewhere for a theme song. In spite of its widespread use by Republicans, Secretary of State Antony Blinken was still in favor of using it. Blinken was very excited about the lines:

Got in a little hometown jam
So they put a rifle in my hand
Sent me off to a foreign land
To go and kill the yellow man

“This verse really speaks to my soul.” - Antony Blinken

Secretary of State Antony Blinken is a real rocker

But cooler heads prevailed, as these lines could be misinterpreted into thinking the US was not a force for peace and that Vietnam was not fully justified. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin III voted for Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World.” He said that a “Kinder Gentler Machine Gun Hand” really described our rules based international order and that Raytheon would soon be coming out with “Kinder Gentler Cluster Bombs” and that we should preorder them now for a discount. But then they found out that Trump had used it during the 2016 campaign, so that was nixed.

After briefly considering “Two Suns in the Sunset” as a happy song about the future, it was determined to be antisemitic because Roger Waters said something about Palestinians having rights.

Kamala Harris requested something by Tupac or Snoop Dogg, because she used to smoke weed and listen to them. But she couldn’t name a single song by either artist.

Victoria Nuland did not have time to consider a choice as she was too busy looking up Taiwanese sandwich recipes which she believes could be useful in the near future. She did say that her favorite band is “The Coup” although it appears she only chose them by name.

DNC Chair Tom Perez was busy working on a top secret project known only as “Super Duper Delegates.” The 2028 primary is just around the corner after all and the lesson from 2020 was that a rigged app isn’t enough. He did think that “It’s All About the Benjamins” by Puff Daddy would be a good song though.

So in the end, the bright, positive song about the future by Timbuk 3 was chosen. “It even refers to how Biden has made life better for students,” said White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre in a reference to getting good grades and the Biden administration’s actions on student debt relief.

Antony Blinken and his band “ABlinken” will be playing at every Biden campaign event. In addition to “The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades” and his own songs “Lip Service” and “Patience,” the set list includes: "Dawn of Correction" - The Spokesmen, “I Raq and Roll” - Clint Black, and back by special request from President Biden himself, “Dixie” since Delaware was on the south’s side during the Civil War.

End Note

In case the reader is not aware, “The Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades” is a song about nuclear war. Paul McDonald had originally written a couple of heavier verses, as The Orlando Sentinel explains:

He had written a couple of verses that make the song’s meaning more obvious. One went: “Well I’m well aware/ Of the world out there/ Getting blown to bits/ But what do I care?” Another referred to a Reagan supporter as a “flamin’ fascist.” Neither of those made the final cut, however.

While my article is satire, the point of the song is often misunderstood, so I could see the Biden administration actually doing this. After all, Trump did use “Rockin’ in the Freeworld.”